Alan finds a date at Singles Night.

Episode 4 of Series 1 was broadcast on 3rd February 2001 and was written by Peter KayNeil Fitzmaurice and Dave Spikey. It was directed by Johnny Campbell.

Synopsis Edit


Plot Edit

Part One Edit

The episode opens with Brian being woken up in the middle of the night with a phone call from a man claiming to be Mixu Paatelainen from the Bolton Coroner's Office. Paatelainen informs Brian that his club had burnt down and that they had found a body. Brian comes to the conclusion that the body is that of Jerry, who had locked up that night. It is quickly revealed that this is a prank call by Max and Paddy. Max, playing the role of Paatelainen, asks Brain if Jerry had false teeth, which suddenly confuses Brian. Unable to keep it together, Max and Paddy burst out laughing, revealing the nature of the call. Max puts the phone down and, drunk, they both stagger away, laughing.

Brian then slams the phone down and tries to return to sleep. He is once again awoken by a phone call from man called Sergeant Patterson telling him that the club had been broken into. Not impressed and under the false impression that it was also a prank call, Brian takes the phone and places it next to his bum. He then farts on it and slams it down. This cuts to Brian being wheeled out of the club by Young Kenny, thanking Patterson for investigating. Patterson remains confused as to why anyone would steal beer crates.

Later than evening, it is Singles Night at the club with Ray Von hosting. Also attending is Les, Alan, Max and Paddy. Meanwhile, Brian is sitting with Kenny who is retelling a story regarding him having a one-night stand with Bonnie Langford. Brian isn't paying attention but is taken aback at how the Max, Paddy and the others are so horny and after the women. Jerry enters and says hello to the men, who immediately get a whiff of his strong cologne. Paddy cracks a joke about it being Febreze, which causes Jerry to come back with "Who said that? Oh sorry Paddy, I didn't see there with the light bouncing off your head." The others laugh at the joke and in Paddy's face.

Brian turns to see Ray Von being intimate with a lady. He asks Kenny who she is but he doesn't know. Brian shows his worry for her, thinking her to be in danger. Alan says to the guys that song lyrics make good chat-up lines and gives some good examples. Max agrees and gives another example but the conversation comes to an abrupt end when Les misunderstands. Brian is on his way to warn the woman, who is now at the bar with Ray. He plays it cool and says hello. Ray introduces him to his girlfriend, Tracy. Brian, under the false impression that this is a second woman called Tracy, becomes horrified. Ray offers to get Brian a drink and leaves with his vase to get him some whiskey.

With Ray gone, Brian launches into conversation, making her aware that Ray's "last one" was called Tracy. He comes to the conclusion that it must be a name-related thing. He tells her to run while she has the chance. Perplexed, she asks him to explain. Brian goes on to claim that he's deadly. He goes to tell her about Tracy Burns but before he can continue, she tells him that she's Tracy Burns. Brian pretends to suddenly recognise her to avoid embarrassment. He then excuses himself as he's "on his way to sack [his] backing band".

While reversing, she runs over the foot of a woman by the name of Beverley, who spills her drink. At first Brian gets angry, claiming it to be her fault but suddenly softens. He tells Marion to get her another drink. Given the choice, Beverley asks for a double Tia Maria and Coke. However, Brian whispers 'single' to Marion. He asks her whether she's here with someone and she points out that it's a Singles' Night. He tells her that he organised it and goes on to further explain that he's the manager. They both learn each other's names.

Regular Moira and her friend are meanwhile on the dance floor. Behind them, against the wall, are Max and Paddy. Paddy is convinced he won't be having sex tonight to which Max tells him that he's addicted to sex. Paddy agrees, claiming it to be an illness and that Michael Douglas had it. He then notices the young woman behind the bar and asks the three lads who she is. Les reveals that she's Mary, the daughter of Holy Mary. Max innocently asks them if they want a drink and heads to the bar. Les sees right through it and tells him that she's too young for him. He doesn't listen and goes anyway. They all jeer at the sight of "Ironside" having found someone.

Later in the evening and Alan has found an elderly lady to dance with.

Part Two Edit


Cast Edit

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References Edit

  • "I know who you are! Who are you?!" is one of Brian's most famous lines.
  • The real-life Mixu Paatelainen was a footballer who played for Bolton Wanderers.
  • Ray Von says his most famous line "Shabba!" after one of the songs.
  • Jerry's comeback to Paddy regarding the light shining off of Paddy's head is the result of a long running joke by Max about Paddy going bald.
  • When Brian sees Tracy with Ray Von, he is seriously concerned for her safety. This is linked to a long-running joke by Les and Alan, which entails Ray Von having gone to prison for murdering his girlfriend Tracy. Later in the episode, Brian confronts her to warn her but soon finds out that she is in fact the real Tracy Burns and that Les and Alan had been having him on all along.
    • Upon realising that it was all a joke, Brian excuses himself from Tracy's presence, claiming to be on his way to sack his backing band.
  • Les' inability to understand love and to chat-up women is evident numerous times in this episode.
    • During the conversation about romantic chat-up lines from songs, he provides: "Everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you".
  • We once again see Brian's vase that he uses to get drinks from the spirit bottles. Because he's in a wheelchair, he wouldn't be able to reach them without the vase.
  • Brian says to Tracy Burns that he "doesn't recognise [her] without [her] hula hoop". Tracy won a Talent Trek with an act with a hula hoop.
  • Alan refers to Brian as "Ironside". This isn't the first time that they've used this as a nickname. In fact, Brian is saved on Alan's phone as 'Ironside'.