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Elvis

Jerry teases a shooter dressed as Elvis.

Episode 2 of Series 1 was broadcast on 21st January 2001 and was written by Peter Kay, Neil Fitzmaurice and Dave Spikey. It was directed by Johnny Campbell.

Synopsis Edit

A free trail of a bucking bronco leads to the Phoenix Club having a Wild West Night. But the night goes from bad to worse as the staff is faced with a broken, homemade bingo machine, an out-of-control shoot-off and a drunk horse.

Plot Edit

Part One Edit

The episode starts with Jerry and Les Alanos performing in front of a sparse and disinterested audience. Shortly afterwards, he hands over to the new DJ, Ray Von whose music is far too loud and poorly received by the audience. Many other staff members in the audience are equally as turned off by the music. As Brian confronts him, the smoke machine goes off around him and becomes jammed. Eventually the whole club is filled with the smoke and regulars are forced to evacuate. As Jerry tries to find Brian through the smoke, he ends up smacking him on the side of the head. With nothing left to do, Ray reaches over Brian with a hammer and hammers the equipment until it stops.

At the end of the night, everyone is clearing up. Paddy approaches the Captain who appears to be asleep in his chair. The Captain doesn't wake up and Paddy realises that he's dead. They all crowd around the body and come to the conclusion that he died of an asthma attack caused by Ray's smoke machine. Upon realising, Brian tells them to move the body to the Pennine Suite to make it look like "natural causes". As they move him, his false teeth slip, making them all jump.

It cuts to his wake, which is being held in the Pennine Suite. Numerous people are sitting around a table, talking about what they're apparently taking now that he's dead. Meanwhile, Brian and Jerry are talking about other people who have recently died. Les Alanos then approach Brian and point out that Ray Von didn't turn up to the wake and that he's "comfortable around death", which unnerves Brian. Brian decides that he's going to get rid of Ray but the two of them warn him that it's not that simple. They state that his previous victim made the same mistake and ended up dismembered.

A speech is made about the Captain and a tale is retold about his time during D-Day. After the speech, the Das Boot fruit machine pays out, shouting "Das Jackpot! Achtung!" to the disgust of everyone else. The next scene shows numerous men sitting in one of the other rooms, watching a documentary about amoebas on the television. Others are trying to play pool but the table is wonky. Two men in coats walk in, unplug the TV and take it away. Kenny Senior is telling a customer a tale about camping with Robert DeNiro. He then notices the men taking the TV and runs after them. Just before they drive away, he runs up and makes them roll down the window. He smugly tells them that they nearly got away with it before handing over the remote. As they drive away, Brian drives into the car park.

It cuts to Brian staring at the empty space where the TV was. He's trying to establish why the staff simply allowed the men to walk away with the TV. They state that they thought he'd arranged it. Kenny's excuse is that "they were wearing overalls". Kenny draws attention to the fact that he's got a new expensive Cadillac to which Brian states that he should have worn overalls and driven out with it.

Brian is then on the phone to Eric regarding the pool table. Eric answers the phone in a French accent but Brian sees past it. Brian demands he come down to the club straight away and puts the phone down. This cuts directly to him clinging onto a bucking bronco with him asking for Brian's opinion. All of the members of staff and punters aren't having any of it. He manages to persuade him with a free week's trial while he gets the pool table fixed.

We are then shown Jerry hosting an afternoon bingo session. He turns and finds Ray bringing in his own homemade bingo machine made out of numerous household items. In the next room, the punters are trying the bucking bronco. Another is casually riding a children's rocket ride. Ray walks in and the bronco gives him instant inspiration. Back in the bingo hall, the machine is malfunctioning and the balls are going everywhere. Jerry's going insane as the pensioner players are telling him that balls have already been called out.

We once again visit the Pennine Suite where Ray is commentating on the bucking bronco. Brian wheels in pleased with the excitement that he's created and is quickly followed by Jerry. The man on the bronco falls off, leaving Brian to instantly worry but he gets back up, cheering. Jerry takes this moment to suggest a Wild West Night.

Part Two Edit

In the Pennine Suite, Wild West Night is underway. In the next room, Jerry introduces Wild Bill and Trigger, a man and horse duo, to Brian's dismay. On the doors, Max tells Paddy that a hat is the worst thing to wear if you're bald. In the cabaret suite, the act continues but Brian remains displeased. Brian then sees that the horse had defecated on his floor. The conversation between Max and Paddy continues as Max lists balding celebrities and how women love them because of it. When the act is over, Jerry hands over to Ray Von who starts to play fitting, Western music.

The conversation outside moves onto famous wigs in movies, which only works up Paddy further. In the cabaret suite, the old ladies are line dancing but are annoyed when Ray turned the records. Meanwhile, Marion and Holy Mary are running the kitchen. Jerry is telling Brian about the shoot-off that's coming up later and Brian warns him that what he's organised is a Lancashire versus Yorkshire shoot-off, which can only end badly. Jerry reassures him that everything will be fine but after telling Brian that Ray is the judge, Brian tells him not to give him a gun.

The wig conversation continues outside. Inside, Wild Bill asks Brian if he could put Trigger in the empty Pennine Suite as it's raining outside. Bill ties the horse up. The Gun Fight begins. The first two shooters come up to the floor and shoot, startling Max and Paddy. The horse gets loose in the next room. After the first official round of shooting, the wrong side gets the win, leading to angry reactions from the other team. In the Pennine Suite, the horse has started to drink from one of the beer tap.

It soon becomes obvious that Jerry is purposely giving the wins to Lancashire, causing confusion among some and anger among others. Jerry then continues to taunt Yorkshire. Brian is told by Kenny Senior that there's a horse loose in the club and him and Young Kenny follow. Brian that reveals that the horse is drunk. The Yorkshire team grows angrier as Jerry taunts a smaller member. Eventually, the Yorkshire shooter begins to beat him up causing a huge fight between both sides.

Meanwhile, the horse is trying to have sex with the bucking bronco. The conversation continues outside between the two bouncers but it's drawn quickly to a close when a chair is thrown through one of the windows. They immediately rush in. The fight isn't helped by Holy Mary and Marion throwing food. Max and Paddy enter the cabaret suite but are immediately deterred by the sight of guns and retreat.

It cuts to a police van outside of the club and police escorting the shooters out of the building. Jerry then realises that this violence was probably the reason why Den Perry stopped his regular Wild West Nights, leaving Brian to angrily question why he listens to him. He is then approached by Wild Bill who is extremely displeased with his horse being drunk, to which Brian doesn't give a monkey's.

The episode ends with an audition. There's a escapologist in a sack, which is chained shut. Unfortunately for him, he can't get out. The staff seem to have given up caring and are talking amongst themselves. Brian then notices a random pair of keys on the table. Jerry doesn't know whose they are and so Brian asks the escapologist whether they're his keys but Brian has had enough and calls for the next act.

Cast Edit

References Edit

  • Ray's hammering of his equipment and Brian's fear plays into the joke made by Les Alanos in the previous episode about Ray having gone to prison for murdering his girlfriend.
    • During the wake, Les and Alan approach Brian claiming that Ray Von is "very comfortable around death" and that it is obvious by him not turning up to the wake, which adds to their joke and to Brian's discomfort.
  • One member of staff states that he's never seen a dead body before, to which Kenny Senior states that he's seen hundreds and that he used to bag up the corpses in Vietnam. This plays into the joke that Kenny is a big liar. Most of his "facts" are based around almost impossible scenarios.
    • Kenny later tells a tale about him camping with Robert DeNiro.
    • During the shoot-off, Kenny Senior tells Brian about the horse in the club but due to him being a constant liar, Brian doesn't believe him at first.
  • The wonky pool table adds to the joke that very little in the Phoenix Club is not broken.
  • Ray Von's disastrous homemade decks and bingo machines harks back to his idea of "fixing" the electricity in the previous episode. This becomes a running trait in the next episodes.
  • On the doors, both Max and Paddy are wearing stetsons for the Wild West Night. Max brings up in conversation and that a hat is the worst thing to wear on a balding man, which is obviously aimed at Paddy. This follows on from the conversation and teasing in the last episode from Max about Paddy going bald.
  • Young Kenny asks if the horse is real, adding to his naive and dim personality.
  • Brian orders the police to "chuck the key away", which is a slight alteration of the well-known phrase "to throw away the key". This is another instance of Brian getting a well-known phrase wrong.

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